Again and Again..Life goes on

Again here we are in November.  One of my dreaded months.  I should be thankful for this month, but I'm not.  I actually hate it.  Because 3 years ago at this time I was patiently awaiting my 3rd child.  He didnt have a name at that time but we called him, "Ralphie".  Him and I had already been through some major battles,  Morning sickness that was so bad some days I wasnt able to get out of the bed.  I dont think I cooked one single thing for about 6 weeks.  And then at 31 weeks the terrible blood clot in my lung.  I was rushed to the hospital, the anxiety and sitting there with an oxygen tank and then being taken in for a CT scan.  From the moment I got to the hospital they had the monitor hooked up and all I could hear was the "Thump Thump" of his heart.  He was a fighter.  I remember the nurse telling me what an active boy I had because she could hear him in my stomach moving around so much!!   I want an active 3 year old.  I want to potty train, I want to put him in time out, I want him to sleep on the bottom of the bunk where he belongs, I want him in Church Nursery with his little sister and MOST OF ALL I want him back so we can celebrate his 3rd Birthday!!