I found this on another blog and felt like it was meant for me. I felt like this was going to be a new year for me, but I feel like I have made no improvement. So with September in the works, and it always feels like a new beginning with school starting, im going to try really hard to get rid of some of my anger. So please respect my wishes and know that I love every single one of you, even if I dont always act like it.
MY GRIEF WISH LIST (I found this today and it is SO fitting)
.....I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one’s name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.
......If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me: the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
......I wish you wouldn’t let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
......I will have emotional highs and lows, up and down. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.
.....I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse or a pet.
....Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me.
I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
.....I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few YEARS are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics I will never be ‘cured’ or a ‘formerly bereaved’, but forever a ‘recovering’ from my bereavement.
....I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
.....Our loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of his death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
.....I wish you wouldn’t offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party. This is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
....I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ‘my old self’, you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me: maybe you will still like me.
As you all know I have changed, I am a different person. I cant go back to being OLD Lisa. She died the day Connor died. I have to make a new way for my life now, its not the one of ever dreamed of, nor expected. I have to make do till I take my last breathe without my Son. And I will NEVER EVER forget that.
Thanks so much for your patience!!
